2011 Canadian Whiskey Awards: Sorta. But Spammalicious!

[Capn Jimbo]

I've called Canadian whiskey the Spam of Spirits...


Therefore it's only appropriate to report the Spammeister of Reviewers, who could only be the Frozen Regurgitator, the Wolfboy. This is the guy who makes up his own methods, actually scores the bottle, thinks aging and cooperage is inexpensive and utilitarian (unless the bottle sports a big number), has a bitter palate, attributes aromas and tastes to a mouthfeel, well... you get the idea.

What should we all look for in competitions? Simple: a good field of competitors, great team of respected judges, and fairness and accuracy in categorization and scoring, right? Wrong. Most competitions are really commercial, suck and are hardly worth the mention.

So why should I be surprised anymore? Answer: only when something is so bizarre it begs reporting. Like man bites dog. Or banana peels monkey. These awards defy me.

Here goes:


The "Awards"

The Frozen One invents categories. For whisky, his first "award" is for "Best Whisky Value under $30". But he cuts it a little closer (...in Alberta). This, of course, is of great interest to us in south Florida, or Dallas, New York, Cleveland and Walla Walla. The winner: Potter's Special Old Whisky. Is this odd?

Sure it is. First of all, Potter's is a blended whisky and should have competed in his blended whisky category. Details, schmeetails. Hey, it's got "whisky" on the label.

Remember: this is Canada.

Next up: "Best Whisky Value under $60... in Alberta". Maybe in his next awards he should award the "Best Whisky Value in the Close Out Section at Moosehead's Trading Post", lol. The winner: Alberta Premium 30 Year (a straight rye whisky), which competed with a low end single malt whisky and a midlevel American straight bourbon whisky. But at least it's really a whisky this time. Still, is this an odd choice?

Sure it is. In an absolute fluke Alberta Distillers found a few barrels of really old rye whiskey (25 and 30 years). Apparently they must have been experiencing a cash flow problem, didn't want to really commit to a new line, or just wanted it out of there. Who cares. So they dumped what little they had - one time only - at about $30 and $50 a bottle and poof! Quick and easy, and gone.

To award a fluke that no one can buy or taste ever again, is well.... just like the Wolfboy. Frankly a 30 year old straight rye whisky should be compared to other rye whiskies of near age and stature. The "competitors" were not ryes, rather a single malt (barley) and a bourbon (corn). Ridiculous. I consider this a false choice. Like comparing a Ferrari your daddy gave you for the cost of its last tuneup against a used Yugo you picked up for the same price. What do I say? Wolfie, why don't yugo...

Next up: "Best Single Grain or Single Malt Whisky". Here at least the Furry One admits these categories were combined due to "my inexperience". Actually single malt scotch whiskys are a world apart from single grain whiskies (which were actually intended to compete with vodkas). Once again, there appears to be a lack of availability down at Moosehead's. The winner (again): Alberta Premium 30 Year Rye, a "$50" closeout. Odd?

Yup. And not just because of awarding a non-existent close-out against different categories. No matter, Wolfie brags that this whisky won based on his careful, side-by-side tastings with Highland Park 25 and Dufftown 1984. Really? Let's check his own published reviews: Alberta scored a lovely 94.5, and the Dufftown? er, 95.5?! How can this be? Either his ratings mean something or they don't.

Next up (and this one is a real hoot!): "Best Blended Whisky". And the award goes to "Jameson 18 Year". Now I'm related to a real Irish family and it goes without saying that lots and lots of Irish whisky is consumed on holidays. And in between, lol. Jameson's is a good one alright, but the 18 is not much better than the 12 year, and both are really pretty middling, but great light, smooth drinkers. The great whisky reviewers agree, by consensus maybe a 76 or so. And what happened to to the Johnnie Walkers, Compass Box, Teacher's Highland Cream, Famous Grouse, Black Bottle and... I could go on and on. Didn't taste em, didn't review em, not carried at the Moosehead, I guess.

And last? The coveted "Best Overall Whisky". And oddly enough, it's the same handful of Moosehead, mixed category competitors: Jameson 18, Alberta 30 and Highland Park 25. The winner? Oh my, oh my - yet another blended whisky "winning" in the whisky category? The winner: "Jameson 18 Blended Irish Whiskey", yet again. How can this possibly be?

I'll give you this: the Jameson is certainly smooth, but not especially challenging. In the world of whisky it's just slightly visible in the crowd of very pleasant and drinkable, but not particularly memorable spirits. There are so, so many far better real and unblended whiskies that just I don't know where to begin. Seriously.

Jameson 18? A daily drinker for chiropractors or new car sales managers. Keep one in your file cabinet. And again, it's blended, people.


Bottom Line

Look, as webmasters we all search for good material, more ways to feather our nests. But personally, if I can't honestly find something of real interest and value, then fuck it. I'm not gonna invent a fakakte bunch of "awards", with very limited competitors, unavailable and unlike whiskies in strange, blurred and really quite meaningless categories. I mean really, what's the point?

There must be one there somewhere...

[Uisge]

Look, as webmasters we all search for good material, more ways to feather our nests. But personally, if I can't honestly find something of real interest and value, then...

So, you didn't find anything good in this guy's awards, and yet, you posted about it. C'mon, Cap'n, surely there is better stuff, rum-wise, to post about?

Let me say one *small* thing in this "Wolf-boy's" defense, and I'll admit it is a minor point, but I'd bet that the distribution of Liquor in his neck of the woods (tundra?) is controlled by der Canadian/Canadien (gotta keep in line with their bilingual requirement...it wouldn't do to get the Quebecoisians in an uproar by referring to the country by the English spelling, only) gubmint, so that really narrows down what he has access to.

Still, that's a minor nit to pick, so to speak.

Other than that, you've made very valid points about his scoring and how it doesn't jive with whatever is awarded/isn't relevant to the "category" being scored.

Hopefully I'll be able to provide a biased, in-experienced and subjective review of Depaz Blue rhum agricole later this week.


*******
Capn's Log: You are perfectly right. There are better things to report. But then again, I'm not called the Compleat Idiot of Rum for nothing... btw, we're very interested in your Depaz review.

[Capn Jimbo]

I can't be sure, but...


But it appears the Wolfboy posted yet another ex posto facto addendum, following this thread, namely:

"Only spirits which I had tasted in the past year (between October 1, 2019 and September 30 2011) were considered."

(Emphasis added)

Apparently the Hairy Cold One is now into time travel, and is only comparing whiskies from 2019 on back to the present. This may also account for why he titled these awards "The 2012 Rum Howler Awards – (Whisky Wrap-Up)". Yup, emphasis added again.

Clearly he's made an error. The awards should be properly entitled "The 2019 Rum Howler Awards". Back to the future, y' know. Can it get worse? Of course it can. I'm sure it's with an eye to consistency that...

1. The "Whisky Wrap Up" is from October 1, 2019 back to September 30, 2011, are labeled the "2012 Awards", published on December 6, 2011. Got that? I don't.

2. The "Vodka, Gin and Tequila Awards" go back two years, but no dates are given. I guess they don't matter if Vodka is involved.

3. The "Regional Whisky Awards" are undefined and were apparently from the beginning of time (or in Wolfie's case, until the end of time). No dates, no years, nothing. It's up to you.

4. The "Rum Wrap Up", like the Whisky Wrap Up, was also from October 1, 2019 back to September 30, 2011, but this time are labeled the "2011 Awards" rather than "2012"! Time travel can be so messy sometimes. Pause to drink a Moosehead and shit! You're off a year.

So to Wolfie I say "Live long and prosper!" And beam me up while you're at it...

[Uisge]

I can't be sure, but...

2. The "Vodka, Gin and Tequila Awards" go back two years, but no dates are given. I guess they don't matter if Vodka is involved.

I would take that as a S.O.P. with Vodka as I consider it even less than an ignoble spirit since it it ready to imbibe when bottled. But that's just me..