RnD said it best:
"From now on, there are two kinds of rum aficionados: those who have tried Panamonte XXV, and everyone else."
Actually and insofar as the rest of "us", it ought read - currently at least - as "...those who get freebies, and those who don't". Who gets freebies? My wild guess: the Burr Bros., Stumpie, Wolfboy and the Rodger Dodger consortium. But of course I could be wrong. Maybe they got paid, lol.
The boyz fell all over themselves, prostating themselves (pun intended) before their benefactors and gushing the most amazing compliments. My question: how will they feel in the morning? Examples...
The Boyz:
"...the finest expression of luxury sipping rums without regard for price ...an exceptional masterpiece, superb ...the smoothest rums on earth ...a must have in your collection ...ultimate joy here is to give in to the pleasure of refined wholeness ...delicate, lingering fairy-like semi-sweet alcohol tugging finish ...its rarity/age/pedigree (and) the classy presentation case and etched bottle...
...an elegance that lingers to reveals a sapidity that is luscious ...monitored by Don Pancho every 3-6 months until it reached perfection ...so stately (and) regal ...exquisite, gracious mouth-feel with supple demonstrations of each flavors ethereally restating themselves ...my scores up in the stratosphere, and frankly, this Panamonte Rum might even deserve better!"
Eeeeuuuu! I feel violated. About the only negatives I could find - Wolfie didn't like the box (and actually deducted points for this!), found his usual bitter notes and inadvertantly implied a lack of consistency ("...One thing that I found very interesting about the Panamonte Reserva XXV was how the rum seemed to change its character during each phase...". Oh, and Big Burr actually seem to damn it with a rather factual and briefest of reviews that found it merely "pleasant".
Is he on to something?
And although RnD actually explored the rum, they all hid their findings in a tsunami of butt licking prose and a pompous, gushing flood of implied superlatives that really don't tell you much about the rum (see above). So... since I will never ever even remotely consider parting with $400 smackers for any rum (short of the BRN Black Tot historical issue - which actually does have value), the service I can do the "rest of us" (who will also never taste this rum" with...
A non-taster's review for non-tasters that you can rely on.
A Word Analysis
OK, here's my take on the Panamonte XXV Precisoa: just the meat, no potatoes...
1. Panamonte XXV is a molasses rum whose presumed and primary claim to fame is the fact that it is promoted as "free of additives and coloring of all kinds" or the use of "other barrels" in the aging. Only Burr had the cajones to promote a fact that actually devalues most other rums who wouldn't dare make this claim. Bravo!
2. Panmonte XXV is loudly labeled as "...25 years old, every single drop". This per an unverifiable claim by the promoters. Panamonte XXV was alleged to have been aged in Panama, but alas - no bonding and no proof. We are forced to trust pornstar-rummaker Pancho on this one. Boo!
Stumpie actually made MUCH of...
But I wonder how pornstar rum producing Pancho accomplished this in the mid 1980's, particularly as he reportedly didn't become a blender until he joined Abueo until about 5 years later (est 1990)? And no one is talking about how the 70% angel's losses were replenished, on what schedule and with what?"The rum is made 100% from molasses fermented with a special yeast created and blended by Don Pancho himself. This 100% REAL 25 YEAR OLD RUM. It was monitored by Don Pancho every 3-6 months until it reached perfection..."
3. Now for some descriptors of this erstwhile nectar...
Panamonte XXV Reserva Preciosa:
Oak - 8 mentions
Sweet - 8
Cinnamon - 6
Brown - 6
Dark - 5
Spices - 5
Nutmeg - 4
Roasted - 4
Walnuts - 4
Orange - 4
Leather - 4
Fruit - 4
Spicy - 3
Chocolate - 3
Tobacco - 3
Peel - 3
Dried - 3
Dates - 3
Dried - 3
Vanilla - 3
Molasses - 3
Wood - 3
Tea - 3
Baked - 2
Bittersweet - 2
Buns (oh I hope not) - 2
Marmalade - 2
Plum - 2
Honey - 2
Mahogany (flavor!) - 2
Sugars - 2
Rich - 2
Long - 2
Alcohol - 2
Dry - 2
Heavy - 2
Baking - 2
(a good place to stop)
Fortunately, a phrase analysis clarifies some of these as: roasted walnuts, orange peel, bittersweet chocolate, oak (and) baking spice, brown sugars, dried fruit, old leather and - thank god! - cinnamon buns, lol...
My Observations...
Although I have little doubt that Panmonte XXV Precisoa is one of the better rums, I'm not sure it deserves the extreme accolades.
These "reviewers" have pretty much declared Panmonte XXV the best rum in the world - but before it has competed anywhere! Kindly note that the promoters seem to have avoided any reviews by actual professional reviewers like F. Paul or Dave Broom. That'd be risky as these guys are not at all impressed by packaging, pics with Pancho or marketing sheets dripping with superlatives.
Nope, they'd actually review it - and they have a history of putting the pompous in their place.
The age of this rum simply can't be confirmed in any meaningful way; indeed the claim that Pancho actually found and had sexual relations with the yeast before he selected it - and the barrels - then checked it every 3 to 6 months from about 1985 seems dubious, particularly as he didn't join Abeulo as a blender until five or more years later. But since when is any backstory believable?
As a good word analysis demonstrates, there is not much consensus on Panamonte's XXV. Once you get down to 4 mentions (keeping in mind that some reviewers repeated descriptors) the rest get short shrift. Not much agreement here. As much as I can see, this rum demonstrates cinnamon and some brown spices (surprisingly unnamed), some dark fruit, orange and leather, perhaps a touch of vanilla.
As do many of the aged rums.
It's actually quite surprising that Pancho's pinnacle product, Panamonte XXV Reserva Preciosa, garnered so few common descriptors! We've tasted more than a few truly world class rums, not to mention the highest rated spirit in the world, Pappy Van Winkle's 20 Year bourbon. They all displayed much more harmonious complexity.
I especially noted Big Burr's lukewarm review - yes, he regurgitated some of the ad copy about the esteemed Pancho and his vast but mysterious experience, but as far as the actual brief review? Short, unremarkable and really pretty dry. "Pleasant" was about as far as Robert went. The new kid - Wolfie - tried to show his chops by actually deducting points for the box the XXV came in (!) and then went all the way with a complete and unremitting spew of superlatives, although he couldn't seem to avoid adding his usual "bitter" finding. Unknowingly though, his review actually drew attention to a seeming lack of consistency.
Stumpie posted his usual "..i was sapidly ORGIASTIC!!", inaccessble review, namedropping like an unemployed Hollywood agent, and even posting pics of him having a group hug with Pancho and his crew after the Shillaholics meeting. BTW, this is why the shills and the promoters simply have to travel down here to our Miami. It's how you get your "...look at me with Pancho, I must be important" pics. The kind that Sue Sea and I avoid, even when we attended as judges.
RnD went the farthest. Although theirs was the most complete review, likewise their shilling went the furthest. Until now the world had been divided into the 1% and 99% groups. According to Rodger and Dodger though it's now the five guys "...who have tried Panamonte XXV and everyone else". My reaction would normally be to say "fuck you and the horse you rode in on", but that wouldn't be nice. Instead I'd advise them to hold the gloating, and try a little vaseline - it's great for chapped lips.
Speaking of moving lips...
Let's face it. The Zee rums - beginning with Zacapa - have all been promoted this way. But truth be told, Z-23 was perhaps both the first and last to succeed at it. Zaphra 21? Same boyz, same promotion, didn't work. Panama Red? Try to find it. Last but not least, how bout Pancho's last world class rum, Ron de Jeremy? Huge, huge buzzy bloviating, but no blow. Like Ron Jeremy himself, you're gonna have to blow yourself on this one guyz. Speaking of which...
Isn't it odd that the Five Manho's, er Horsemen, went nuts promoting every aspect of Central Casting's Pancho, naming Abuelo, Zaphra and Panama Red - but somehow all forgetting to mention the brilliant, self-blowing Ron de Jeremy? And of the five, only Big Burr had the BALLS!! (sorry Forrest) to publicize the XXV's freedom "...from all additives or coloring of any kind".
The reason is simple and I predicted long ago when Panamonte and Diplomatico first announced their new super-rums...
These two well known producers simply had to justify their super-duper-mega premium prices. Their primary sales point? The lack of additives and coloring, even chill-filtering in their products. The reason for this is clear. Yes, you can have a fancy bottle, but so do other less expensive rums. Yes, you can allege your rum is 25 years old. But think of the Zee rums, 21 and 23 year claims. Yes, you can promote Central Casting's Pancho. But he's also produced a number of other less expensive rums like Zaphra or Ron de Jeremy. Yes, you can provide the shills with all manner of hyper descriptors. But that too is done all the time...
So what's left? Purity! Yeah, yeah that's it!
The peeps are becoming aware that their labeled "rum" contains all manner of unlabeled flavorings, sugar, glycerol, additives and phony coloring. So these boyz decided to promote their new mega rums as if they were fine (and equally expensiv) single malt whiskies: "We'll promote the "...absolute lack of additives or coloring of any kind". Like whisky, we won't chill-filter it and promote that. Hey, and we'll talk about the yeast and the single barrels too. Now THAT will surely justify $400!!" These producers were keenly aware that only promoted "purity" would set them apart, and thus made purity the primary sales and marketing tool.
But a problem arose...
This put the shills in the uncomfortable position of having to promote purity, and thus indirectly admitting that most of their other rums do contain unlabeled additives and flavorings. From my view, a delicious dilemma. I couldn't wait to see what they'd do. Survey sez...
Not a damn thing.
Of all the shills - the Preacher, the recently disappeared Rum Queen, the Badassitor, Rodger and Dodger, Stumpie, the Wolfboy and a few others - not a word. Usually the most dutiful of regurgitators, what'd they say in this case? Nada. Cero. Zero. Nope, they repeated everything else Panamonte conveniently provided, they posted the group hug pics, they named all of Pancho's products (except RdJ), they spewed the superlatives, they declared XXV the best rum in world, they divided the rum world into two groups, but address its purity?
Not a fackin word, not a hint. The sole exception: Big Burr. Bravo Burr, my Burr! Next - rating the shilling...
