Some of you may aware of the amazing release of yet another fascinating rum - Tres Hombres, apparently now revered by the monkeys. Not to be outdone, I have decided to release Ron Anejo de Tres Virgenes ("Three Virgins"). Let's compare Tres Hombres with Tres Virgenes...
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1. Tres Hombres is an exclusive limited edition - only 4000 bottles and thus an INSTANT collectible.
Tres Virgenes ("Three Virgins") is even more exclusive. There will be only three bottles, made exclusively for the lucky buyer(s) at a price that will leave your Appleton 50 friends simply pantinig for a piece, er dram. You can't just buy one - you have to beg for one!
2. "The traditional distillation methods performed by various distilleries throughout the Caribbean produce rum suitable for exciting salsa parties as well as quiet moments by a fire, with a Cuban cigar. The labels are created and placed manually, giving them their Caribbean appearance and feel, which beautifully expresses the romantic lifestyle associated with Tres Hombres."
Tres Vigenes rums is even more spectacular. Anyone who'se been to Costa Rica or Cuba is aware that the girls at these "salsa parties" are double dipping their well used chips. Ugh! Compare to Tres Virgenes untouched and unspoiled young beauties, never touched, pure and sure to provide an completely engorging, er engaging experience.
Tres Hombres labels? Comparatively old and rotting sailcloth, pre-roughened by repeated clumsy mauling by dirty seamen who rarely even wash. Tres Virgenes? Ron Anejo de Tres Virgenes does not require anything as bourgeois as a label! Tres Virgenes is so exclusive, so recognizeable that it does not require one. Instead each bottle carries only an 18 carat gold cast medallion that indicates bottles one, two and three. Note too the voluptuous, rich and elegant shape inspired by the simmering Playboy erotic art of the incomparable Olivia.
The jeweled texture even includes what is hidden to most of us, namely "Ron Anejo de Tres Virgenes" in braille, with 10% of our aftertax profits being donated to the rehabilitation of the blind and bitter palates of Canadian reviewers suffering from "bittermouth".
As for sitting around a fire smoking a Cuban cigar? That's just blowing smoke. Maybe that works in Vancouver, but not in the Caribbean. After the sun goes down, the only thing that comes out are hoardes of mosquitoes, noseeums and dangerous hombres. And unless you're in Canada the sticks you're smoking are probably Dominican.
Tres Virgenes? The lucky buyer will receive a pristine new box of real Montecristo No. 1's, reputed to be Fidel's favorite smoke, and get this - each one rolled between the thighs of respected Cuban virgens, er virgins. You'll be in heaven, sucking a real Cuban with a real Virgen in air conditioned comfort.
3. "The Solera rums mature for ten to twenty years in American oak barrels, letting the specific Caribbean climate contribute to their delicate smoothness. Once again the master blender Santiago used his own experience, together with the Solera rums provided by Oliver & Oliver..."
Solera, solschmera! Let's face it. Tres Hombres is made with undocumented rums of allegedly "ten to twenty years" of age, with are then blended with alleged "Solera" rums from Oliver, who doesn't distill rums but who gets them from well, who knows? Tres Hombres? Dios mio! They should call it "Tres Suppliers".
But Tres Virgenes? Let's start with the special "virgin waters" we use to make this amazing rum. Fine single malts exclaim over their mountain streams. Super-premium vodkas boast of their glacier water. But let's face it. The water you drink has been recycled untold billions, trillions, gajillions of times throughout history. It rains, it gathers, it is piped to you, you drink it, you urinate into the loo, back through the sewage system or through the ground, evaporates - over and over. Old and so very used.
But not Tres Virgenes. Tres Virgenes uses brand new, freshly created, absolutely pure water produced as a byproduct of the latest hydrogen/oxygen fuel cells using new, high efficiency, non aqueous catalysts to produce non-polluting energy for humanity - and brand new, never used, never abused, pristine water for...
Tres Virgenes! It's our patented "Agua Nueva de Tres Virgenes"! That's the future! But Tres Virgenes respects the fascinating history and past traditions of rum as well!
Our handmade and totally traditional copper pot still was built specifically for Tres Virgenes alone, and was run only three times! First to clean and "season" the lovely copper and graceful arching neck, er lyne arm. A second time to strip away and partially refine the passionately fermented, hand selected AAA food grade molasses wash, and last in a final - first and only! - spirts run, where the heart and soul - the unbridled passion of a true Virgen - is gently and lovingly extracted. These hot juices are allowed to cool slowly and naturally and then - and then!
The succulent nectar is then filtered through specially constructed and imported, once worn silk panties of one of the actual Tres Virgenes, and which add a subtle scent of musk and citrus! Then to be carefully aged by our grizzled, extremely authentic looking master distiller, cooper and barrel conquistadoro maestro of rumho - in a single handmade, virgin French oak first-use, gently toasted small and tightly sealed oak barrel. The precious liquid remains untouched, unsampled and unspoiled until the shimmering and beggingly lustrousl clear Tres Virgenes rum pours passionately from its hand filled, hand sealed lead-free, one-off designer, cut glass crystal bottle, to meet your slightly open mouth and salivating tongue in a virtual first orgasm of overwhelming and unequalled harmony, balance and finish. It's a fornucopia of unexperienced flavors and aromas that just keep coming.
For your lips only!
The barrel is used but once, then disassembled for our master grizzled and authentic craftsman using only traditional hand tools and a pocket knife to almost miraculously transform this once Virgenes soaked wood into a stunning and instantly collectible wooden case, hand numbered using a Number One Woodburning Creativity set (yes, a toy but not in the hands of a master engraver!). The case has been designed to also hold and display the stupendous Montecristos in what is actually a combination rum display case and humidifier.
Your exclusive bottle of Tres Virgenes and Montecristos will surely be the highlight of your backlit bar. Past, Present and Future represented by your exclusive new possession. And all virgin! Tres Virgenes Ron Anejo. Enjoyo!
4. "In the sixteenth century, when excise taxes were standardised, the illegal transport and trade of rum, known as rum running came to life. During the American prohibition in the twenties this trade form reached its climax. Contrary to the traditional rum running, Tres Hombres performs a legal trade. However, the title rum runner perfectly illustrates the buccaneer’s style and bravery of this entrepreneurship."
Actually "Tres Hombres" appears to be a refurbished Dutch experimental sailing boat owned by a company named FAIRTRANSPORT. Approximately 90 feet long, with five crew members and up to 10 "trainees". Think Windjammer with occasional cargo and a made-up rum.The Story of Ship "Tres Hombres"
"In 2007 the three friends happened to stumble upon the beautifully lined hull of an old German fishing ship, used as a mine sweeper in World War II. They immediately fell in love with this wooden wreck and started to plan the hull’s conversion into one of the most beautiful square rigged sailing ships of our time. Thanks to the amazing help of so many selfless hands from all over the world, the brigantine was built in just two years time and sailed off on her maiden trip in December 2009. Now she sails the seven seas with cargo, and most importantly, without an engine!"
. . . . . . . . . . . . . ."The 32 meter brigantine Tres Hombres is in service since December 2009. She maintains a sustainable freight service between: Europe, the Atlantic islands, the Caribbean and America. Besides a cargo capacity of 35 tons, she has accommodation for 5 crew members and 10 trainees.
Click here if you like to carry your packet cargo with the Tres Hombres. You can also sail along this winter & next summer Click here."
"PROMOTIONAL TRANSPORT
You like to put your product in the spotlights? You like to promote your product by hybrid sailing vessel? You want to be different and cool in your campaign? You want to help the world while promoting your company? This is your change, call or write now."
The ship Tres Hombres also sells T-shirts, chocolate bars and solicits Paypal donations to their foundation promoting green transport. Fun story, but creating a poorly labeled, made-up rum that has nothing to do with an environmental Dutch project short of the name of the ship doesn't really cut it for true afficianados.
With Tres Virgenes everything is real, rare and pure. The bottle and packaging is truly worthy of your esteemed existence as perhaps the one and only owner of Uno, Dos or by the beard of Don Juan!! - all three Tres Virgenes, who actually exist. After an exhausting search through the Caribbean (as paying trainees on the "Tres Hombres") we were - finally! - able to find three stunning and untouched Virgenes - one each from Cuba (Maria), Jamaica (Jasmine) and most surprising of all - Haiti (Bijou)! An exclusive and private photoshoot ensued and appears in a seductive but tasteful oversize hand bound coffee table book printed on special acid-free paper in a glossy limited edition of just three copies, each hand engraved in authentic gold leaf with your name.
The book contains four chapters dedicated to each stunning Virgen in a variety of intriguing poses in authentic Caribbean settings and special backdrops, plus an opening chapter that fully illustrates the making of Tres Virgenes and our revered and authentic grizzled and cigar smoking master distiller/blender/bottler/cooper/ager and of course, with a smoking hot introduction and dedication by moi!
You can't beat that. Each of the three limited books is signed by all, with a special, inside cover signature and dedication by again, moi. That's special. Remember once the Tres Virgenes are created the still, washback and single aging barrels are all destroyed and our autentic, grizzled master distiller/etc. is fired on the spot and will return to relative obscurity as a master distiller blender in Panama.
Bottom Line...
Tres Virgenes has nothing to do with wind projects, sailing experiences, T-shirts or chocoalate bars. Well, maybe a polo shirt. It will be truly a special and absolutely collectible rum designed for you - the true afficianado of rum to whom extravagant price and appearance is everything.
Don't miss this once-in-a-lifetime experience! Will you own bottle Numbero Uno? Or will you have to settle for numero dos or tres? Or are you worthy enough to - gulp - own all three Tres Virgenes? You decide...
