Canookie Dept: Why you can't trust Canadian rum sites...

[Capn Jimbo]

There are soooo many reasons, but I've gotta start somewhere....


First of course is history.

The War of 1812 was declared by the United States against Britain on June 1, 1812. One of the objectives was to capture Canadian territory, to cut off British supply lines and for a bargaining chip. Thus the war ensued, primarily between the Brits and the American, with some ragtag Canadian militia members throwing in with the British (as did Tecumseh).

The war was really a standoff, Canadian territory was not captured, and peace was finally declared at the Treaty of Ghent on December 14th, 1814, and ratified in the US a couple months later on February 17th, 1815 - 187 years ago and oddly enough, on...

Valentine's Day.

But unlike most Americans, the Canadians never forgot this war and believe it or not, continue to to actually celebrate "their" victory, which they persist in attributing to their miniscule militia, the Brit's primary role be damned. The Canookies celebrate annually and continue to express anti-American sentiments.

Reason #1: For some strange reason, the Canooks have decided to mark the 200th Anniversary by celebrating - I'm serious - the beginning of war!

Ever heard of VE or VJ Day? Yup, that's victory in Europe, and victory in Japan, ahem and appropriately, celebrating the end of war. OTOH, the moosehead in Canada are celebrating our declaration of war. Is that weird or what?

Next....

The two main rum sites in Canadaberg feature:

1. A rank amateur with bittermouth (who has tasted "bitterness" in over half the rums he'd tasted), who actually ascribes multiple aromas and taste to tannic wood effects (a mouthfeel), who shamelessly regurgitates distiller ad copy, who actually rates the bottle, who accepts much free product, and whose scores are weighted heavily to the high end. A self-proclaimed reviewer who even developed his own bizarre "methodologies" for tasting and scoring. Mount Gay Extra Old features "waves of bitterness". Whew!

2. The other site features a brilliant and entertaining writer, who has no concept of rum styles, and who relegates any single digit (less than 10 yo) rum to his mixer mound. You can predict his scores by age and cost, with the reviewer heavily prejudiced to the very old, very expensive "super-premium" rums. To him, Mount Gay Extra Old is just a "mixer".

Reason #2: The Canookies rum sites are represented by Dumb and Dumber and/or Tripe and Well Written Tripe.

Next...

Neither reviewer can tolerate informed and alternative viewpoints. Both have hidden behind their "delete" keys to prevent same. When I praised them, I was welcomed. When I disagreed (calmly and with rationale), poof! Gone. Here at The Rum Project, I'd be happy to engage in a rousing and informative discussion. Silly boyz, they're just opinions. Let the readers decide.

There are two great examples:

1. Both Luis Ayala and especially the amazing Dave Broom, both well known, both authors are among others who have noted the basic styles of rum. Per Broom, these are Jamaican, Demeraran, Cuban and Cane Juice "styles". These and the Bajan style have been heavily promoted here, but the Two-and-a-half Mounted Men simply refuse to entertain or even discuss this accepted concept.

2. Both have made clear that they understand that products like Zaya and Pyrat XO, among others, are labeled "rum" but contain other unlabeled additives, flavoring and sugar - but - they just don't care. They've made it clear that if it - whatever "it" is - "tastes good", who cares? Rum and rum-like are the same to them.

Reason #3: To the Canooky-nookies, and like the Preacher, "...it's all good". Sorry boyz, but it just isn't so, wasn't so and will never be.

Don't get me wrong, I like the Canookies. They're cute, cuddly and bumblingly entertaining, not to mention I was long ago in deep lust with an extremely intellgent and beautiful young Canadian woman (apparently it's only the men who have, uh, "issues"). But if the handful of quasi-commercial rum websites - and I mean handful - are representative of rogue rum, we're in deep mooseshit (or bitter bisonshit).

The honest, pure and unadulterated rums can be magnificent and we need more of them. Unless we "get it", you can expect to see more of the Batshit Dingleberry type releases, and perhaps a couple of "super-duper-mega intergalactic premium" rums released.

The former are mooseshit - the latter are incredibly unjustifiably overpriced and overbottled releases of good rums. Together they represent the death of the middle class - with rums being designed for the new poor or for the 1%.

The rest of us can just eat rum cake, I guess...