Fakakte Dept: Artic Wolf 2011 Rum "Awards"

[Capn Jimbo]

Time flys, and so can cow chips...


About a year ago we deconstructed the Artic Wolf's 2010 "awards" and it wasn't pretty. But even intelligent people make mistakes, and learn from them. But if nothing else, the Canookies are stubbornly cute - or cutely stubborn, in a kind of sweet and bumbling way...

Recently I happened upon these "awards", and my first impression was something was off. I had trouble buying Panama Red as a "best rum", and as much as we like Mount Gay and their new Black (which is very good), Black is not an award winner. I'll make this mercifully quick...


The Process:

The Wolf likes to give awards by region, yet another invention of his. This is no better than the usual meaningless categories like white, gold, aged, you know, the usual. The day anyone can blind taste and identify the color or region of a rum, I'll eat one of Wolfie's steaming turds. I'm serious.

He claims that he began his laborious and exacting comparison way back in August (about 3 months ago) "slowly" tasting different rums from his collection, to choose only "the very best", which he then compared over the last month. He then publishes the "winner", the best and perhaps two "honorable mentions". Enough! The results...


The "Best":

1. Best Rum From Central America: Panama Red 108 Overproof Rum

Here's what I did. I first determined whether the rum seemed to fit his category (in this case, best "rum" from "Central America), then checked a few of his other comparable reviews to compare scores. Let's go!!

His picks:

Panama Red: 86.5
Traveller's 3 Barrel: 85.5 (runner-up)
Ron Abuelo 7yo: not reviewed (still a runner-up)

But what about these furry scores...

Flor de Cana 12yo: 97
Renegade Rum Panama 1997: 96.5
Flor de Cana 7yo: 95.5
Zafra Reserve: 90
Lemonhart 151: 86

To begin, Panama Red 108 is a 5 year old spiced overproof rum, which most would consider either in the category of an overproof rum, and/or a spiced/flavored rum. Yet Red has captured the title for best "rum", and is compared to Traveller's 3 barrel (which he calls a "rum", but is actually flavored) and to Abuelo 7yo - which actually is a "rum", but which he's never reviewed? Huh!?

Worse yet, other "rum" reviews from his own collection show four "rums" which score the same or much higher than his "winner", but weren't even named as honorable mentions. Whatever. Let's go on...


2. Best Rum From North America: Famous Newfoundland Screech Rum

There's really quite a few great rums made in North America, for example the truly magnificent offerings of Phil Prichard, Charbay, Siesta Key, New Orleans and even Sgt. Klassick to name just a few. There are at least 15 or 20 boutique distillers of rum in the continental US, but perhaps no freebies = perhaps no review. His picks:

Newfoundland Screetch: 86 (winner)
Lemonhart 151: 86

But how about his scores for...

Momento Amber Rum: 89.5
Mocambo 20 Anos Anejo Rum 87.5

Either Momento (from Canada), or Mocambo (from Mexico) should have won the category. His "honorable mention" is actually a Demeraran rum (Lemonhart Demerara 151 Rum), that is simply bottled in Canada. And it's an overproof to boot. Give me a break. And the "winner" - Screetch - is a Jamaican rum that again, is simply bottled in Canada. Both are really Caribbean rums just bottled in Canada (no doubt using immigrant labor), lol...

In sum, it appears he got neither the region, nor the competition or the winner right by his own standards - I must have missed something, somewhere. Petard! Hoist!


3. Best Rum from South America: El Dorado 21 Year Old Rum

His picks:

El Dorado 21yo: 95 (winner)
Dictador 20yo: 94
Dictador 12yo: 91

But how about his scores for...

Diplomatico Riserva Exclusiva: 97
Ron Zacapa XO 25yo: 95
Zacapa Centenario 23 Anos: 94.5
Juan Santos 21yo: 93.5
El Dorado 12yo: 93.5
Santa Theresa 1796: 91

The winner would better have been the Diplomatico, with four other rums scoring higher than his honorable mentions. It's really pretty simple - either ratings mean something or they're simply arbitrary. Which is it? At least the region seems right. BFD. Next...


4. Best Rum from the Caribbean Islands: Mount Gay Eclipse Black

Oh, this is a good one! His picks:

Mount Gay Eclipse Black: 86.5 (winner)
Mount Gay Eclipse: 87
Atlantico Private Cask: 85

But how about...

Cubaney Grand Reserve 25yo: 96.5
Ron Matuselum Gran Reserva: 93.5
Appleton Estate Legacy: 92.5
Bacardi 8yo: 90.5
Legendario Ron Anejo: 89
Appleton Estate Extra: 89
Caroni 1997 Rum: 88.5
Appleton Estate 21yo: 86.5
Angostura Royal Oak Select: 86.5
Appleton Estate Reserve: 85

All were worthy of an honorable mention, two others tied his "winner", and any of seven others otherwise would have won handily. As far as I know Jamaica, Trinidad, the Dominican Republic, Puerto Rico and Cuba are all "Caribbean Islands". Not to be a noodge, but Barbados is actually in the Atlantic Ocean. And last but not least...


5. Best Rum from Outside the Americas and the Caribbean: Plantation Panama 2000

Here, at last, is the last fakakte category. It should be obvious from where these rums were made, but is it?

His picks:

Plantation Panama 2000: 90 (winner)
Plantation Barbados 5yo: 88.5
Plantation Grenada 1998: 87.5

But how about...

Old Port Deluxe (India): 92!

It's worse. Old Port - scoring a leading 92 - is actually made "outside the Caribbean and the Americas. But all of the Plantation rums are harvested, fermented, distilled, blended and barreled and well aged for years where? Where?? In the facking Caribbean! The promoter - Cognac Ferrand - then ships the barrels to France for a quickie finishing in Cognac barrels. And what do I mean by "quickie"?

Just a month or two.

Now I'm not saying finishing isn't important, but when the lion's share of the rum's creation and primary aging takes place in the Caribbean, well then I'd say the Caribbean should get the primary credit. Keep in mind that Ferrand is known to be very selective picking the Caribbean rums they choose to finish. And if the origin weren't important, why are all the bottles labeled "Barbados", "Panama" and "Grenada"?

It's so silly. Even Ferrand promotes the Caribbean origins.

Finishing amounts to a brief storage and routine tasting until bottling is appropriate; thus finishing is a certainly a step better than simple bottling, but not by much. Let's be honest, these are very well selected Caribbean rums.

The rum that should have won - Amrut's Old Port Deluxe - really does fit in the category (outside the Americas and Caribbean), and oh BTW, had the highest score too.


Bottom Line:

Look, I don't care if any quasi-reviewer picks silly categories, but we all care that the results of any awards competition be honest, consistent and meaningful. Here the Wolf has:

1. Attributed origin not to where the rum was made, but where it was bottled, or in one case, finished.

2. Put flavored/spiced/overproof rums in competition with aged rums.

3. Ignored his own ratings from his own collection. His many higher rated rums were apparently excluded from his finalists. He picked the lower rated "contestants", from which he picked the "winners".

The "best"?! Of what? The best of what's "in your glass"? The "best" rum if you don't include better ones? The best "rum" even if it's a "flavored rum"? I'm trying, honest. So why did these bizarre rums win? Simply - and I do mean simply - because he picked 'em, he likes 'em, and because he said so. So let's see: are the Artic Wolf's "awards" honest, consistent and meaningful? I dunno.

You decide...

[Capn Jimbo]

One of my frequent flyers is, of course, the Wolfboy...


Judging from my IP log, Wolfie would seem to be one of my frequent flyers. In the past when I've helpfully emailed him to point out an error or omission, at times he's made those changes, sometimes within minutes. But do I get a nice, private "thanks" or even "thanks, asshole!". No way. Still, most times simple stubbornness prevails and the errors remain unedited.

In deconstructing the Frozen One's rum "awards", I (properly) made much of the fact that where a rum is fermented, distilled and aged pretty much establishes the region to which it ought be assigned. Even bottlers like Cognac Ferrand accept this and clearly label their Plantation rums with both the countries of origin - eg Plantation Barbados, Plantation Jamaica, Plantation Panama, et al - as well as the year of production. Case closed?

Not for Wolfie. In fact he broke his own "I Have Spoken, Right or Wrong, and It is So!" rule and actually returned and added, ex post facto, a long explanation for why he's right, and the world is wrong...

"(Note: Many rums brands are distilled in one region but transported in bulk to be blended and even aged for a further time in another region. Other rums brands are actually blends of several rums which have been distilled in more than one region. In all cases, I have decided that the location where the rum is bottled will be considered the place of production for that particular rum brand.)"

(Emphasis added)

Wow! Nice try, but no banana. Let's review his hasty addendum...

1. "Many rums brands are distilled in one region but transported in bulk to be blended and even aged for a further time in another region.'

This of course is a reference to Plantation Panama 2000. Hint: as noted above Cognac Ferrand is so clear about the origin of the rum that it appears on the bottle: Panama (not France). Secondly, most of Ferrand's Plantation rums are fermented and distilled in the Carribean, and aged for years. What happens in France? A quick finishing, perhaps a month or two, and bottled. Oh, and there is no further blending in France. Sorry.

If the Wolfboy were right, half the rums on the lower shelves would state "Minnesotan Rum", bottled in Princeton, Minnesota, lol.

2. "Other rums brands are actually blends of several rums which have been distilled in more than one region."

Sure sounds convincing, but only until you realize that none of his "winners" - Panama Red, Mount Gay Eclipse Black, El Dorado 21 and Plantation Panama 2000 - none of them fits this claim. None have been distilled in more than one region. Again, sorry.

And now the case is closed.