Rum Pre-Reviews: Panamonte XXV Reserva Preciosa and more. To additive lovin' monkeys everywhere...
I was right, I am right, and I remain right! Live with it. About what you ask?
Purity. For the last several years I stood practically alone (with the notable exceptions of posters like JaRiMi and distillers like Richard Seales - in revealing rogue rums biggest lie...
Bottles labeled "rum" often contain additives like sugar, glycerol, flavorings and other adulterants designed to replace the flavors that massive column distilling strips out. The goal is to replace the artistry of good and classic fermentation, distilling and long, expensive aging.
The drinking public has become so used to phonied up rum that they really don't know what the real McCoy smells or tastes like. Worse yet, the quasi-commercial sites push the notion that "...it's all good", supplanted by made up "rum competitions" based not on style, but on made up categories designed to produce the maximum number of quotable and promotable "awards" to the distiller who pay to enter (but not to lose).
Rum is largely represented by a bunch of commercial ropadopes who are pleased to accept free product in return for their softball "reviews", and for their regurgitation of distiller hype. I have frequently compared rogue rum to a real noble spirit, single malt whisky - a spirit that is absolutely pure, unadulterated, uncolored and often even unfiltered - and which commands much higher prices.
A sad, sad state of affairs, but no more...
Rum is getting the messege...
Lately, you may have become aware of the release of a number of super-duper-mega-intergalactic premium and very high priced new offerings. All are (a) very expensive, (b) come in blowhard, costly custom designed bottles and cases and (c) purport to be the absolute, best, finest, add-your-own glowing adjectives... rum.
But in addition to the usual flowery marketing hype they are promoting something very new in the world of rum - purity! Yup, you heard it here. Purity. Let me give you two examples:
Diplomatico Ambassador Selection Rum
The Ambassador is alleged to be 100% heavy pot still rum first aged in oak barrels for 12 years, then finished in Pedro Ximenez Sherry barrels for another two, then bottled at the cask strength of 94 proof. Does this sound more like a single malt whisky? You bet it does. But here's the good part...
It will use "...no sweetener, caramel or other additives". About time! I have been promoting pure and unadulterated rums for several years now, and I couldn't be more pleased. And next, it will not be chill filtered. Again almost unheard of. Only the discontinued Scarlet Ibis and a handful of private releases can claim this. Advantage: more flavor.
About $312. Next...
Panamonte XXV Reserva Preciosa Rum
Here's a rum by the infamous Don Pancho, rum blender without portfolio but clearly for sale as he's been the poster boy for Ron de Jeremy, Zaphra "21" and a few others. He's perfect for this: old and wizened but wise, speaks broken English and, well, just looks the part. A gift from Central Casting. From porn star to super luxury rum, he's your man. But I digress.
This super expensive rum is alleged to be a "...blend of rare Panamanian aged rums, Panamonte XXV Reserva Preciosa is the masterful result of artful aging and blending by famed master blender Francisco "Don Pancho" Fernandez."
"Aguardientes from molasses are matured for twenty five years in premium American white oak barrels once used for bourbon. There are no additives, colorings or other barrels used in this slow aging process...".
Priced at about $400 and comes in a keen box suitable for worshipping and dick measuring contests.
Bottom Line:
With the state of world wide super recession the rum market has now divided into two groups: cheap altered rums for the 99% who are unemployed and simply need cheap and artificial thrills. And authentic, pure and unadulterated super expensive rums for the 1%.
The latter get real rum, the rest of us get Batshit Dingleberry or a host of mislabeled "rum" bottles that contain who knows what. But the monkeys are now out of the cage. When I promoted purity, the Preacher and his wannabee sycophants screamed long and loud. But now that the gauntlet has been thrown down?
We'll see. Most interesting will be to see how our bumbling rum reps and commercial sites will promote purity on one paw and lies on the other...
Rum Pre-Reviews: Panamonte XXV Reserva Preciosa and...
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Capn Jimbo
- Rum Evangelisti and Compleat Idiot
- Posts: 3551
- Joined: Mon Dec 11, 2006 3:53 pm
- Location: Paradise: Fort Lauderdale of course...
- Contact:
Rum Pre-Reviews: Panamonte XXV Reserva Preciosa and...
Last edited by Capn Jimbo on Sat Mar 03, 2012 2:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.
-
Capn Jimbo
- Rum Evangelisti and Compleat Idiot
- Posts: 3551
- Joined: Mon Dec 11, 2006 3:53 pm
- Location: Paradise: Fort Lauderdale of course...
- Contact:
The rum reps speak, er chatter...
Meanwhile, back at the ranch...
The OP (above) was created in November of last year. It's now March and it appears that the Panamonte XXV marketing is in full gear. It's really very interesting to note just how a horribly overpriced super-duper-mega, look-at-me rum is marketed.
The first step is above: the tease.
Panamonte is yet another created product of "famed master blender" Francisco "Don Pancho" Fernandez. The shills are provided with reams of glowing verbiage about good old Pancho - chosen by Central Casting, and perfect for the part. These releases made much of his 40 years of creating great rums, none of which were named. A close review of his history finds him as more of a management kind of guy, who ended up at Abuelo, where he finally did a little blending of what many consider nice, but not exceptional rums. What are named are his current concoctions like Zaphra (limited success/availability), Panama Red (an overproof featuring a completely concocted backstory, also hard to find) and Ron de Jeremy pornstar rum.
Clearly Pancho is for sale, but is he worth mucho centivos? You decide. And since my original article, very little was heard about Panamonte XXV Reserva Preciosa, Esquire.
Back to the Future...
OK, it's today and we enter the second phase, namely choosing and stroking the shills. The objective: to make sure - damn sure - that you get some fawning rave reviews. So naturally they chose the most dependable, usual suspects...
Big Burr, The Tree, Roger and Dodger, and the newest easy mark, the Wolfboy. All can be counted on to regurgitate marketing copy, lionize Pancho and spew similar glowing copy. How 'bout a lil taste of this...
After hundreds of words of marketing-influenced maturbation he finally actually reviewed the Panamonte itself in a brief paragraph of almost boring terms, the most exciting of which was "pleasant"?! But let's face it - it's all about the price and presentation, nicht vahr?
Next up, the Tree Stump, aka Forrest, the egoist of the lower-case "i" (eg "...i loved this rum!!"...
Even Big Burr had to poke a little fun at Stumpie and posted: "Luscious Sapidity... that says it all!". Sounds rich and divine, and oh, oh so knowing. Wanta know what "sapidity" is? It means nothing more or less than anything that is palatable, and possesses flavor, ie a taste. "Sapid" almost anything that fits in your mouth - a banana, rotten fruit or a hardened wolf turd. You see, all possess a flavor and produce a taste. Sapid. Add a "t" and replace the "a" with a "u" and you have...
Next up, the Wolfboy...
Whew! Let's skip by Wolfie's extravagant worship of pornstar-rum-creating Pancho, and his gloating over his precious Batch 1/Bottle 16 collectors bottle. The Wolf then goes through his usual invented "methodology" and actually takes away his few unawarded points because he doesn't like the box it came in. Ralfy would shit about now. Like his butt buddy The Tree, he too uses all caps to exclaim about the Panamonte's label which apparently states "IMPORTED FROM PANAMA EVERY DROP AGED 25 YEARS” and his supposition that because the rum is sold in the US, that "...by law every drop of this rum must be aged that full 25 years to carry this statement on the bottle".
Wow, by law mind you! Never you mind that the US relies solely on the distillers claim, and that this rum was stored privately in a remote foreign, non-regulated, non-bonded warehouse. We'll have to trust Pancho on this one. BTW, the US does recognize bonding but very, very few spirits actually do so. Wolfie, I've got some prime land in the Everglades for sale.
Last, but far from least are Roger and his dear tasting partner, Dodger.
Roger Dodger, over and in, er out. To be fair these boyz really do have some pretty decent palates - their reviews are worth a read, although their scoring seems heavily weighted to the high end.
The boyz go on to attempt to justify Panamonte's mega-price of $400 (for you anyway) by pointing out its alleged 25 years of "6 to 9%" annual losses, stating "...do the math for 25 years and now you understand why these wonderful aged spirits demand such premiums in price. So I did, using my handy dandy angel's share spreadsheet...
Let's start here. Most monkeys think that say a 6% loss, times 25 years would leave very little rum. Actually it's more than you think, as the diminishing rum also means diminishing losses (based on the original amount). Envelope please?
After 25 years, an unexpected 29% of the original rum remains. Let's do more math. Let's take Barbancourt Five Star which at eight years old is down to 83% of its original volume, and sells for $19 (750ml). The math is simple. If the Five Star were aged another 17 years, it would have to sell for $39 based on the additional angel's loss.
Now let's consider El Dorado 15, available at $29. Age it another 10 years and it too would have to sell for $39!! A coincidence? Nope. Although in this case the numbers just happen to come out the same, perhaps we've learned something here, namely...
That the costs and profits of these two respected distillers are pretty similar, and apparently related to the projected angel's losses. In any case, Panamonte's price of $400 cannot possibly be justified by the angel's losses, no matter how small your dick and how large your bank account.
Put another way, if you follow RnD's logic, if Panamonte were just 12 years old, it'd sell for $242. Sound about right? I don't think so.
Bottom Line
1. Yet another of the Zee boyz-like promotions - from Zacapa 23, to Zaphra 21 to Panamonte 25. The Zacapa was originally overstated as "23 anos", posters I respect wonder about Zaphra's alleged 21 years, and as for this 25 year old, you have to believe that Pancho set it aside at Abuelo five or so years before he even got there.
2. The real deal is this: bloviate sufficiently and reliably enough and you can be sure you'll remain on the short list for $400 freebies. Give any of these a bad review and the free spirits spigot will burp and go dry.
Count on that, and last -
3. I sure hope Panamonte supplied kneepads with the Preciosa. After reading these reviews, I felt like I really needed a long, hot, cleansing shower. Female readers might benefit from a morning after pill. Honestly, are these rum reviewers for real or just rum ho's?
You decide. Next: a non-commerical review...
The OP (above) was created in November of last year. It's now March and it appears that the Panamonte XXV marketing is in full gear. It's really very interesting to note just how a horribly overpriced super-duper-mega, look-at-me rum is marketed.
The first step is above: the tease.
Panamonte is yet another created product of "famed master blender" Francisco "Don Pancho" Fernandez. The shills are provided with reams of glowing verbiage about good old Pancho - chosen by Central Casting, and perfect for the part. These releases made much of his 40 years of creating great rums, none of which were named. A close review of his history finds him as more of a management kind of guy, who ended up at Abuelo, where he finally did a little blending of what many consider nice, but not exceptional rums. What are named are his current concoctions like Zaphra (limited success/availability), Panama Red (an overproof featuring a completely concocted backstory, also hard to find) and Ron de Jeremy pornstar rum.
Clearly Pancho is for sale, but is he worth mucho centivos? You decide. And since my original article, very little was heard about Panamonte XXV Reserva Preciosa, Esquire.
Back to the Future...
OK, it's today and we enter the second phase, namely choosing and stroking the shills. The objective: to make sure - damn sure - that you get some fawning rave reviews. So naturally they chose the most dependable, usual suspects...
Big Burr, The Tree, Roger and Dodger, and the newest easy mark, the Wolfboy. All can be counted on to regurgitate marketing copy, lionize Pancho and spew similar glowing copy. How 'bout a lil taste of this...
So what did he really think, lol...Big Burr: "A luxury blend of rare Panamanian aged rums... the masterful result of artful aging and blending by famed master blender Francisco "Don Pancho" Fernandez... matured for twenty five years in premium American white oak barrels once used for bourbon... for those that appreciate the finest expression of luxury sipping rums without regard for price... an exceptional masterpiece of Pancho's life's work in this spirit...
The presentation is superb, with delicate etched palms on a bold bottle with prestigious, clean lines and a solid-wood round knob on top... a very classy expression... Panamonte Brands of Destin, Florida produces exceptional spirits for rum connoisseurs and luxury rum enthusiasts. The company describes their products as "the smoothest rums on earth."
After hundreds of words of marketing-influenced maturbation he finally actually reviewed the Panamonte itself in a brief paragraph of almost boring terms, the most exciting of which was "pleasant"?! But let's face it - it's all about the price and presentation, nicht vahr?
Next up, the Tree Stump, aka Forrest, the egoist of the lower-case "i" (eg "...i loved this rum!!"...
The Tree Stump works on a combination of attention getting, lower-case "i"'s, interspersed with orgasmic, all-capitalized EXCLAMATIONS!!, and obscure and inaccessible (but cool sounding) descriptors like Panamonte's "supple demonstrations" of "mahogany" aroma (?), and "clean tobacco" taste, not to mention its "lingering, luscious sapidity"!?Stumpie: "...an artifact created by world-renowned, Cuban born (and trained), Master Distiller Francisco “Don Pancho” Fernandez ...fermented with a special yeast created and blended by Don Pancho himself ...100% REAL 25 YEAR OLD RUM (yes, all CAPS as he has an orgasm) ...since the very beginning Panamonte conception, Don Pancho envisioned it to be a very special product ...A testament to his life's work ...utilizing the finest, specially selected Panamanian rum ...has an elegance that lingers to reveals a sapidity that is luscious and leaves you with a kind invitation for more ...another excellent offering from PILSA and thanks to Don Pancho and my good friend Carlos E. Esquivel G [Executive Director at PILSA]"
Even Big Burr had to poke a little fun at Stumpie and posted: "Luscious Sapidity... that says it all!". Sounds rich and divine, and oh, oh so knowing. Wanta know what "sapidity" is? It means nothing more or less than anything that is palatable, and possesses flavor, ie a taste. "Sapid" almost anything that fits in your mouth - a banana, rotten fruit or a hardened wolf turd. You see, all possess a flavor and produce a taste. Sapid. Add a "t" and replace the "a" with a "u" and you have...
Next up, the Wolfboy...
(paraphrased)Wolfie: "...very special ...every drop aged for a minimum of 25 years in used bourbon casks ...handcrafted by Master Blender, Francisco “Don Pancho” Fernandez Perez ...who has built up quite an impressive track record, including two of my favorites, Panama Red 108 and Zafra Master ...an impressive 40 year career in the rum industry ...beginning in Cuba (and) the former Soviet Union, Poland, The United Kingdom, Canada, South America and even Madagascar ...My bottle is from Batch No. 1, bottle 16 (BFD)"
"...One thing that I found very interesting ...the rum seemed to change its character during each phase of my tasting regime ...I have given a stratospheric score, and frankly this rum may deserve even better!"
Whew! Let's skip by Wolfie's extravagant worship of pornstar-rum-creating Pancho, and his gloating over his precious Batch 1/Bottle 16 collectors bottle. The Wolf then goes through his usual invented "methodology" and actually takes away his few unawarded points because he doesn't like the box it came in. Ralfy would shit about now. Like his butt buddy The Tree, he too uses all caps to exclaim about the Panamonte's label which apparently states "IMPORTED FROM PANAMA EVERY DROP AGED 25 YEARS” and his supposition that because the rum is sold in the US, that "...by law every drop of this rum must be aged that full 25 years to carry this statement on the bottle".
Wow, by law mind you! Never you mind that the US relies solely on the distillers claim, and that this rum was stored privately in a remote foreign, non-regulated, non-bonded warehouse. We'll have to trust Pancho on this one. BTW, the US does recognize bonding but very, very few spirits actually do so. Wolfie, I've got some prime land in the Everglades for sale.
Last, but far from least are Roger and his dear tasting partner, Dodger.
Roger Dodger, over and in, er out. To be fair these boyz really do have some pretty decent palates - their reviews are worth a read, although their scoring seems heavily weighted to the high end.
(paraphrased)Roger and Dodger: "...Panamonte’s color is luminescent ...jewel-like ...the aromas reveal themselves in orderly groups ...an airy quality that allows the flavors to dance on your tongue, bringing tastes so well integrated and consistent with the bouquet and aromas that clinically analyzing them is a fools’ errand ... an ultimate joy here ...to submit to the pleasure of refined wholeness ...That defines Panamonte XXV from beginning ...to its delicate, lingering fairy-like semi-sweet alcohol tugging finish."
(Take a breath, guyz. Continuing...)
"...“Don Pancho” has delivered to the rum lovers of the world yet another winner ... (this time) an exceptionally old, exquisite 25 year old molasses rum ...I can’t decide which aspect of Panamonte XXV appeals the most ...the exquisite flavor ...its rarity/age/pedigree or the classy presentation case and etched bottle? ...ethereal, delicate yet fathoms deep nectar, and I’m having difficulty resisting ...I give in. From now on, there are two kinds of rum aficionados: those who have tried Panamonte XXV, and everyone else."
"...It’s one of the finest rums I’ve ever tasted ...one of those very rare and very special gifts that doesn’t come along often ...when it does we all rejoice".
The boyz go on to attempt to justify Panamonte's mega-price of $400 (for you anyway) by pointing out its alleged 25 years of "6 to 9%" annual losses, stating "...do the math for 25 years and now you understand why these wonderful aged spirits demand such premiums in price. So I did, using my handy dandy angel's share spreadsheet...
Let's start here. Most monkeys think that say a 6% loss, times 25 years would leave very little rum. Actually it's more than you think, as the diminishing rum also means diminishing losses (based on the original amount). Envelope please?
After 25 years, an unexpected 29% of the original rum remains. Let's do more math. Let's take Barbancourt Five Star which at eight years old is down to 83% of its original volume, and sells for $19 (750ml). The math is simple. If the Five Star were aged another 17 years, it would have to sell for $39 based on the additional angel's loss.
Now let's consider El Dorado 15, available at $29. Age it another 10 years and it too would have to sell for $39!! A coincidence? Nope. Although in this case the numbers just happen to come out the same, perhaps we've learned something here, namely...
That the costs and profits of these two respected distillers are pretty similar, and apparently related to the projected angel's losses. In any case, Panamonte's price of $400 cannot possibly be justified by the angel's losses, no matter how small your dick and how large your bank account.
Put another way, if you follow RnD's logic, if Panamonte were just 12 years old, it'd sell for $242. Sound about right? I don't think so.
Bottom Line
1. Yet another of the Zee boyz-like promotions - from Zacapa 23, to Zaphra 21 to Panamonte 25. The Zacapa was originally overstated as "23 anos", posters I respect wonder about Zaphra's alleged 21 years, and as for this 25 year old, you have to believe that Pancho set it aside at Abuelo five or so years before he even got there.
2. The real deal is this: bloviate sufficiently and reliably enough and you can be sure you'll remain on the short list for $400 freebies. Give any of these a bad review and the free spirits spigot will burp and go dry.
Count on that, and last -
3. I sure hope Panamonte supplied kneepads with the Preciosa. After reading these reviews, I felt like I really needed a long, hot, cleansing shower. Female readers might benefit from a morning after pill. Honestly, are these rum reviewers for real or just rum ho's?
You decide. Next: a non-commerical review...
Amazingly enough I was able to read everything you posted by Forrest without having to reach for the dictionary, you must have left out a good portion of the review (I had already looked up "sapid" from one of his reviews in Hi time's flyer, it's his favoritest word ever.) He usually throws in a few words like recherche or calefacient.