Deconstructing lists can be boring, but someone's gotta do it. I know you won't. Following is Lance's first list "Ten Decent Rums Under $50", with one difference: this time I will deconstruct as he goes, emphases added (all quotes are from Lance aka Ruminsky van Drunkenberg)...
I can't think of a worse way to get into sipping than to buy a simplistic, syrupy rum simply laced with unrumlike artificial flavors and spices. Ugh! Can you imagine saying "Hey, wasn't that sweet shit nice? Now let's try Pusser's Blue Label...". Of course not. The best way to get into sipping is to start with the best, not this additive bomb. I'd suggest a nice Cuban or Bajan style rum like Ron Matasalem Gran Reserva 15, or Doorly's XO. Maybe Santa Teresa Anejo.Lance:
1. Captain Morgan’s Private Stock (~$40). Simple, not complex, rich and dark, with a slight spice hint and more than enough sweet. What classifies this as a sipper’s intro is the remarkable body and mouthfeel. Good way to get into higher priced premium rums. It’s easy to bash the Captain, but this rum is worth it, I think.
All of these are fine pure rums, very easy to drink and that exemplify, not denigrate real rum.
God bless Lance and his honey tongued dialogue, but if the only thing going for a rum is that it's cheap and "powerful", save your money. Lance continues to labor under the misconception that fine rums must be (a) very old and (b) very expensive. Check out Part One to find out just how wrong he is. And please note that to the Lanceman, almost anything under 10 years old is a mixer.Lance:
2. Young’s Old Sam Demerara Rum (~$26). I didn’t really care for this at first, but it grew on me. A mixer not a sipper, it’s got powerful taste of burnt sugar, molasses and caramel that will perk up our cocktail for sure, and the cheap price means you can buy several, in order to double up on our enjoyment.
A brilliant rum perhaps, but very good in any case, for any rum drinker. Please note how he gives with the right hand, while taking away with the left when he relegates this excellent rum to the mixer pile.3. Cruzan Single Barrel Dark (~$45). Bloody brilliant rum: dark, silky, smooth and with tastes in great harmony, you can use this as either a sipper or a mixer and still have a great time. Great for Grampy.
And the Mix Master just keeps on spinning. I've never tasted English Harbor, so you have no business believing anything I say right here, but talented tasters I know speak very highly of it. So high in fact, that I am once again stunned by the Canadian proclivity for judging everything by how it goes with Coke. Again single digit age, again tossed onto Lance's mixer mound.4. English Harbour 5 year old (~$28..). Regular readers here will know that Liquorature went pretty nuts over this premium mixer. Soft, pungent, lightly spiced, its flavour simply explodes in a cola.
And what class is that? "Heavily flavored rums masquerading as 'rum'"?5. Tanduay Superior 12 year old. I don’t know the price of this Phillipine product in Western markets, but the local price there is dirt cheap, and man, is this one stellar rum for its price. Slightly dry, slightly sweet, with a great smooth finish and a lovely dark body. One of the best in its class.
Lance got caught with his Canadian hiking shorts down on this one. He got what he perceived as an "exclusive" on a "hard-to-find rum" and went absolutely mooseshit over it. Just one problem: Tanduay admits that their labeled "rum" is actually heavily altered. They don't even distill this crap, but buy literal tankers filled with thin "alcohol" (hopefully sugar based), then add tons (literally) of sugar, additives and artificial flavors.
The problem is that once you've committed yourself to a wonderful fine new rum, it's hard to admit you've completely fucked it - and you - up. Oh, and before I forget, Tanduay labels their age based on the oldest rum in the bottle. Good grief!
I'm gonna keep it simple here. The Indian rum industry doesn't play by our rules. Additives/flavorings are not labeled, and the age speaks not of the youngest, but the oldest rum in the bottle. Maybe. Actually the only Indian rum that counts is Old Monk XXX - which sells more than the rest of them combined, is actually honest about the authentic and exotic spices they use and really IS delicious.6. Old Port Deluxe Rum (~$35). A new arrival from India, tawny, medium bodied and delicious. I liked it neat, but take it any way you want. Decent, well priced and bang for your buck. According to the hippie, the Amrut Fusion produced by the same distillery in Bangalore ain’t half bad either.
Don't waste your time - or money - on anything else.
Absolutely right. Finally.7. Havana Club Cuban Barrel Proof (~$45). Golden, twice aged in differing oaken barrels, and smooth as all get out, with a taste and feel at once complex and long lasting. Damn this is good. Fill my glass, and pronto. Twice.
Uh, not really. I do admit that Bacardi 8 is surprising, but only because it's the only rum they make that comes even close to an average, decent sipping rum. It's a cut above crappy.8. Bacardi 8 year old (~$40). It’s considered an easy target for ridicule, but then, everyone hates the big kid on the block. Underservedly so, in this case, because this dry, well aged golden rum is a cut above the ordinary, a great body and flavour profile, and just enough of a whisky driness and lack of sweetness to broaden its appeal among the Maltsters as well as the Caners.
Yup, I'm gonna have to agree with the Lancemeister once again (for those of you who are counting that's a score of 20%). The only reason Lance calls it "midlevel" (actually ED 12 is world class) is because it barely broke his single digit mixer barrier by two years.9. El Dorado 12 year old (~$45). Oh man, Guyana knows how to make ‘em. Heavy, dark, solid rum with a smooth fade that redefines the midlevel rums. I’m a fan of the 15 and 21 year old, but this one is a worthy younger sibling, believe me, in spite of the backstretch burn.
El Dorado 12 really defines the Demeraran style for reasons way too subtle to even try to explain to Lance and his monkey minions.
A completely silly recommendation. The best overproof in the world, hands down, is Wray & Nephews Overproof, which I know is sold everywhere in Canadaberg and for a lot less too.10. Bacardi 151 (~$35). Fine, it’s an overproof with a muzzle velocity off the scale, but you know what? It isn’t half bad after you pick yourself off the floor, roll up your tongue, locate your rapidly dissolving nose and find your face.
Bottom Line:
I fear that way too many rum surfers will actually swallow this list, of which only 20% of its recommendations are even remotely valid. I urge you to view Part One, where we list some of the world's absolute best buys that are far, far better - real - and cost even less.
But hey - this was his first outing (but my third or fourth outing of him) - so give the poor Canookie a chance. He's a brilliant writer, the Liquorature is absolutely worth your time, but don't forget for an instant that the rum section is heavily biased toward very old and very expensive, at the cost of ignoring far better, far less expensive, truly fine rums.
Next up? Stay tuned...
