Ball Licking Dept: Artic Wolf seeks a magazine cover!

[Capn Jimbo]

Just like the ongoing Kilauea volcano in Hawaii, the Wolf is the gift that keeps on giving. Read on for booking, safety and attraction information...


Seriously, you can't make this stuff up, lol!

The Artic Wolf just posted an article featuring a faked up magazine cover, featuring a photo shopped type image of him on the cover of a new Canadian E-magazine called "flave", which they intend to market to 20-40 year old males.

He's trying to promote that his picture be featured on the cover of the first issue (instead of the current female model).

Trust me, the Wolf is one of those late middle-aged guys who barely fits into the category - or his hiking shorts for that matter - and who should never - ever - be seen in a Speedo, particularly in south Florida. But remember, this is Canada, where Coke drinking chubby guys in shorts and 1950's haircuts are apparently considered models.

But not so the women, thank the gods! Check flave's actual first cover...



Down here, she'd just be yet another of the thousands of stunning women roaming our beaches, bars and boulevards but in Canada? Fantastic. You'll also note that somehow the Hairy One has convinced flave to feature him - not on the cover - but as a featured writer/contributor. Actually Wolfie would be a perfect fit, since flave seems designed as a product placement, product pushing "free" E-mag.

According to their press kit:

"flave" promo kit": "Like other traditional magazines we are offering advertising, sponsorship and product placement/feature opportunities throughout flave magazine.

We also... have the option to purchase directly through flave magazine itself.

Imagine a featured writer (Wolfie?) doing an article to introduce one of your unique products or service to our captive audience and by the end they can instantaneously purchase from the magazine or visit your company's website for more details."

Now this is absolutely perfect, as this is what the Frozen One seems to be doing already, and he already has the commercial Canadian relationships in place. Wow! I applaud the Hairy One. Aaaooooooooooo! So here's what I suggest...

Please, please visit the Wolfboy and get a literal load of his proposed magazine cover. Support him fully - and gawd knows he (and we all) need it - and then write flave as he requests, supporting his bid for the cover.

Seriously. I can't make this up...


*******
Special Note: If you haven't been to his site to see his proposed cover, you just gotta do so - it is a hoot! And he's serious - I think. Funnier yet, the "Rum Howler...In Fine Spirits" appears to be drinking what?! from a Glencairn glass?

Milk.

Oh, and if ya wanna see what Wolfboy is proposing (and it's a hoot)... click (here)


Extra Special Note: I knew it! It just seemed that Helen Anahita was just way too hip to be Canadian. She isn't. Turns out she is Iranian, and only later moved to Canada. I can relax now. BTW you'll find (this) You Tube video of Helen very entertaining, circa 2008 regarding her Miss Canada hopes.

[Capn Jimbo]

I kid the Wolf...


Contrary to popular opinion, I actually like the Artic Wolf, in his bumbling, friendly and I'll-have-it-with-Coke kinda way. A decent human being who like most of us, is seeking his 15 minutes of fame, but in an alternate universe. And of course I wanna be fair with him.

So...

First, as you'l have already noted, "Flave" (I refuse to repeat their stupid lower case title anymore) is promoting themselves as a pretty shameless, product-placing, feature writer based, shilling E-mag. Shameless, because their website actually links their promo kit for all to see. Apparently they think the 20-40's will be so busy licking the cover that they won't notice, or care, that these proposed placements will be shoved down their gullets with each and every issue.

What's fascinating is that my friend the Artic Wolf actually seems to put up some resistance to the main fucking objective of the magazine. Apparently he's been offered the chance to be a "featured writer", as the "Rum Howler... In Fine Spirits". This is obvious because his article is already being promoted on the cover (above). But has he really accepted?

Artic Wolf: "We are still working out the details, as I have insisted that I will not contribute if my independence is compromised. I will write what I want, when I want, without regard for who their sponsors may be."

Good for the Wolf, but I have to wonder:

1. How could this possibly work in the face of Flave's clear, commercial objectives? And...

2. Is the Wolf really sincere in his claim of independence? And...

3. Has the Hairy One thrown down the gauntlet based on his own commercial commitments? Or not?

Now I know from our long exchanged emails, that the Hairy One if nothing else, is mightily stubborn. But I also know that his "independent" website seems soft on distillers, accepts free product and often regurgitates distiller ad copy without much apparent challenge.

Perhaps Flave is counting on that... stay tuned.

[Capn Jimbo]

Are you surprised? I am...


"Flave" was scheduled to hit the net in mid-2011. It's now just days until New Year's Eve, 2012 and... Nada. Zippo. Cero. Apparently "Flave" (or "flave" as they prefer) was simply the flavor of the day, or maybe just the morning. The sun is setting on an idea I found commercially crass. Of course I was not surprised that our fur wearing friend was tapped for duty as a "featured shill", er writer.

But I am surprised that this blatant commercial product has either died, or is on life support. You simply cannot underestimate the depths to which commercial promotion will stoop. BTW, here's a comment we left at CanadianWhisky.org...

Moi: "As fun as this purports to be, it is well to note that Flave was designed as the ultimate marketing device. Much like distillers who expect if not a favorable, at least a kind review in return for their free booze, this magazine is unashamedly clear about their goal.

Quoting Flave’s press kit:

“Imagine a featured writer doing an article to introduce one of your unique products or service to our captive audience and by the end they can instantaneously purchase from the e-magazine and/or visit your company’s website for more details”.

Folks, it doesn’t get any more commercial than that. It seems clear that this magazine is designed as a paid extension and is both part and parcel of the distiller’s marketing efforts, even promoting the “instant sale” of the product pushed, er written about by the “featured writer”.

This project was scheduled to begin in mid-2011 – it’s now a few days from New Year’s Eve and nada. I’d like to say I’m not surprised, but I am."

Will it survive? Or will our Frozen Furball complain to his Canookie buddy about that nasty, truthtelling Americian idiot? Stay tuned...

[Uisge]

The only, true "flave" is Flava Flav


Yeeeeeeeeeeah boyeeeeeeeeeee!